Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Meet the Indigo Children

Meet the Indigo Children. They're mine.

You know the ones. They're the ones the childfree are complaining about.

Is your child a super speshul indigo starseed child like Munchkin and Gnome are? Answer this simple quiz for him/her to find out!

1. Your baby brother has just fallen asleep after three hours of colic. How can you best aid the situation?
a. Be quiet
b. Go play with toys
c. Sing him a Lullaby to the Universe at top volume while leaning over his bassinet

2. You are a baby. Why do you have dirt under your nails?
a. Your mummy didn't cut them
b. Some mysterious, toddler-based explanation
c. You are just that in touch with the earth

3. You are a toddler and almost never talk. For what words do you make an exception?
a. Mama & Dada
b. Eat & Diaper
c. Whatever will get mummy expelled from synagogue play group

4. You are a toddler. Why did you turn your dinner onto the floor?
a. You wanted to make a mess and see mummy turn funny colours
b. You wanted a hot dog with sugar pops instead of whatever you were served
c. The food had a bad aura

5. You are a baby. Why did you poop on your new clean sleeper?
a. You wanted to make a mess and see mummy turn funny colours
b. You have relatively few ways to amuse yourself
c. You were making a statement about your preference for that which is organic and natural over the Wal-mart consumerist soul-sucking vapidity of your mass-produced, gender-limiting blue sleeper. In other words, pooping in your sleeper is how you rage against the machine.

Give yourself a point for each C.
0 Points: Your child is not speshul. Sorry.
1-5 Points: Your child is an Indigo Starseed! Drop him or her off at the door to the local naturopathic/new age store and then scurry purposefully away. The owners of the establishment will be thrilled with the opportunity to care for a member of the coming ruling class.

Seriously though, people believe this stuff. (I've always regretted not believing in New Age stuff, because it looks like a way to make money. Is that Jewish of me?) My personal favorite is The Indigo Files. Are you an adult Indigo? Well, no, it seems not. I don't like cats. But they certainly sound special, don't they?

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